The sounds of the bass died down...
But the roar of their artillery opening fire gave them their own bass cannons. The guns roared. The woodchips flew off the fallen telephone pole. I managed to get a few pops of my pea gun off. This was probably the reason the didn't just bum rush the telephone pole and plant a few leads in my melon.
It went like this... Them: BOOM BOOM RATATAT RATATAT -- Me: pop pop.
That showdown in the wild west went over like a lead balloon.
So after a respite of firing and a change in the color of my underwear, I wanted the cops to swoop in and be my knights in shitting armor. They never came. It was obvious discrimination. They were in no hurry to haul my body out of the west.
I was rattled but alive. They left without the bass and body. I sauntered back to Lil Tony's and finally found him with eyes glazed over. Twitches. He was hanging out with a Vice Lord that had been on a permanent acid trip from the 70's from a hit of purple haze. He would carry a coffee cup around with a quarter in it, probably forgetting to ask for change. Tony was toking the pipe and it showed.
They gave me a G-Pack.
Which is about a thousand dollars in rocks and blows -- crack and heroin. A little salad of weed on the side. Only one big skinny problem -- I stuck out like a white man at the million man march. I was white and I had yet to see another whitey on the westside. It would not be hard to pick me out of lineup. I would attract hustlers as a moth to a flame.
I got baited and switched, crack stole right out of my hand. Got told I was selling Stovetop stuffing. Must have been good stuffing because they kept coming back. It was close to Thanksgiving, maybe they wanted to have the most explosive stuffing known to man. Crarkey. Then after I learned the ropes. I started making money. But I missed my girlfriend Starkist tuna boat.
I called for the Vice Lord chariot to pick me up.
Everywhere I went was getting searched after I left. Since the dresser incident, they even checked in dryers as if I'd be spinning around in their with a wide grin. They must have been snorting lines of Kool-Aid. The cops had egg on their faces. The beanpole white kid was evading them at every corner, jumping out windows on them, and always a step ahead.
I went to Rooster's house. I put a black sheet up over the window so when I watched television, the electrons wouldn't flash on the outside. I knocked all the boards out under his couch so I could squeeze under there. There was only one door and window in, so I couldn't go out a back way. But if someone would have sat on that couch, they would have squished my head.
I was such a great contortionist I could hide under the bathroom sink's counter. And that came in handy when Rooster's mom, who is...
BIG AS A CELESTIAL BODY
And had to use the large lady's room. This was a horrifying and debilitating experience that sent me to repressed memory therapy for the next forever years. No amount of decency could be allotted to the sounds she eeked out. The putrid odor that drained the smell from my nose hairs. I, I, I,... can't even talk about it without expectorating into the nearest dumpster. I would have rather dunked my head in a litter box of twelve kitties that hadn't been changed in 12 months. Nuff said there.
Then it all came crashing down. Rooster had his own key, and after a few weeks he came to the door after work and said, "It's me." That's when I knew he sold me out. Who comes to their own door and says, "It's me." So I scrambled to the couch as he didn't key in. Nor did he say he lost his keys. Then I heard him say, "They know you're in there."
I yelled out, "I am not." That was as stupid as the "Hey, it's me." Then the dogs started barking and the cops started yelling I had ten seconds to come out.
I had to make a quick decision. Grab the gun. Give up. Or go under the couch....
RECENT INTERVIEWS WITH ME...
THE NAKED PORCH - http://www.thenakedporch.blubrry.com/2739616/meet-brandon-wyse/
ROB & SLIM SHOW - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SJh0jsjPbU
www.brandonwyse.com
Twitter @1brandonwyse
https://pro-labs.imdb.com/name/nm3609775/
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